Groan-inducing classics from dads everywhere.
12 jokes
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
Why was the graveyard so popular?
People were dying to get in… just like my family after dinner.
I asked my wife for a divorce. She said “Why?” I said “Because the kids aren’t funny… and neither are you.”
Why did the orphan never win at hide and seek?
Because good parents are hard to find.
My grandfather had the heart of a lion
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I told my suitcase there would be no vacation this year.
Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
A world-renowned heart surgeon was waiting for his car to be fixed. The mechanic, a jokester, called him over: "Hey Doc, I take these valves out, grind 'em down, and put 'em back in so the engine runs like new. You basically do the same thing for people, right?" The surgeon nodded. "In a way, yes." The mechanic grinned. "So how come I make fifty bucks an hour and you make half a million a year when we’re doing the exact same work?" The surgeon smiled, leaned in, and whispered: "Try doing it while the engine is still running."
What do you call a Viking who lost his boat?
A Hiking.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.