Raw, urban humor straight from the block.
10 jokes
Wife: “I want to buy that expensive bag.” Husband: “No, we don’t have money.” Wife: “But baby, it will make me happy.” Husband: “Okay buy it.” Wife (smiling): “Love you!” Husband: “Now stay happy for next 6 months, I’m not giving you any money.”
An engineer dies and goes to hell. Satan: “Welcome, you’ll be tortured for eternity.” Engineer looks around and says: “This AC is not working, generator is noisy, wiring is dangerous.” After 2 days Satan shouts: “Get this guy out of here! He’s making heaven in hell!”
Teacher: “If you have 10 rupees and ask your dad for 10 more, how much will you have?” Student: “10 rupees.” Teacher: “You don’t know maths!” Student: “You don’t know my dad!”
A man comes home with a new dress for his wife. Wife: “Wow! This is beautiful. But why did you buy it?” Husband: “Because I saw it in the shop and imagined how sexy you would look in it.” Wife (smiling): “Thank you baby!” Husband: “Now take it off and give me the money back, the shopkeeper is waiting outside.”
Guy gets approached by a beggar: “Sir, I haven’t eaten in three days.” Guy replies, “Force yourself, man. I do it every day.”
Two guys standing on the street see a dog licking its own balls. One says, “Man, I wish I could do that.” The other replies, “Maybe try petting him first.”
An old couple starts having memory problems, so they write things down. One night the husband gets up and asks his wife if she wants anything from the kitchen. “Yeah, some ice cream,” she says. “Write it down.” “I can remember ice cream.” “With strawberries on top! Write it down.” “Ice cream with strawberries.” “And whipped cream! Write it down or you’ll forget!” The husband grumbles and goes to the kitchen. Half an hour later he returns with bacon and eggs. The wife sighs: “See?! You forgot the toast!”
What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
I've never paid $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
Jay Bhadrakali
My neighborhood is so rough, the rats walk in pairs.