All jokes

My friend said he'd start a band called 'The Inhalers.'

I told him he needed to breathe new life into that name.

A group of scientists finally developed a machine that could translate animal thoughts into human speech. Eager to try it, they put a golden retriever in the device. The dog started barking excitedly into the microphone. Everyone waited with bated breath for the translation.

The machine whirred, lights flashed, and then a clear voice boomed through the speakers: 'Squirrel! Squirrel! Where did it go?!'

My neighbor, Harold, was convinced his cat was a secret agent. He'd spend hours watching it, whispering into a toy walkie-talkie. One day, he burst through my door, wild-eyed and triumphant. 'I've cracked it!' he yelled. 'I know why Mittens keeps leaving those dead mice on my doorstep!'

Apparently, it was just her highly effective, albeit slightly macabre, business card.

Why are skeletons bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field trip to the pumpkin patch.

Why did the JavaScript developer break up with the CSS file?

Because she found him too ‘flex-y’ and he couldn’t commit to any clear styling.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!

Why was the JavaScript developer sad?

Because he didn't Node how to Express himself.

My friend swore he saw a ghost at his grandmother's old mansion. He described a shimmering figure in the hallway, moaning softly. He ran screaming from the house, convinced he'd encountered an restless spirit. Turns out, it was just his grandma trying to find her hearing aid after a particularly spicy taco.

She had some serious static electricity build-up, and you know, tacos.

How can you tell an extroverted programmer?

He looks at YOUR shoes when he's talking.